Miles was about 8 weeks old (yeah, I didn't have to deal with a poopy diaper blowout until 8 weeks, woo-hoo!) and we were on the way home from the chiropractor.
Just before I left the doctor's office, I started to smell the funk emanating from his diaper. It wasn't too bad, yet. His face was red and he was grunting. Miles was still working on getting some of that green nastiness out, so when the receptionist offered a room in the office to change him, I politely declined, "No, we are only 15 minutes from home. We'll be okay."
I smiled down at Miles. He grunted again. Oh, how wrong I was.
As I was driving, baby decided it was a good time to scream. Loudly. After I cranked the music up to bass-pounding levels, Miles calmed down and, believe it or not, fell asleep.
By the time we made it home, I had forgotten about the diaper (mommy brain at it's best). I let him sleep in the car seat at my feet for about 5 or 10 minutes before he started to get fussy.
As I started to unstrap him, the smell hit me.
It was bad, very bad.
I wrapped my hands around him and came in contact with poop--I might have gagged a little.
I rushed him to the changing table and that's when the full out screaming started. I was stripping wet, stained clothes off my baby, and all the while he wouldn't stop wiggling. Of course, my husband happened to be out of the house during this time (trust me, he heard the full and detailed account as soon as he stepped in the door).
I finally got the clothes and diaper off of him, only to be left with a lot of poop. All over. I plopped a still screaming baby in the tub and gave him the quickest and most thorough bath I could.
Then I realized I didn't have a towel nearby. So now I had a very cold, wet, and squirming baby in my arms while I tried to wrangle a towel.
Finally, I get Miles in a new diaper and clothes (yeah, Miles is still bawling). I place him in his crib to clean up the changing pad and mess I had made.
Then it hits me: I hadn't even started to clean out the car seat.
This is about the time I wished I had two more hands and could be in more than one place at a time (cue missing husband).
A lot of fabric cleaner and paper towels later, the car seat was clean (with a faded poop stain).
All there was left was to calm an unhappy baby. I popped a bottle in that kid's mouth, and voila!! Happy baby.
It felt like Miles had been screaming for hours. And this all went down in 20 minutes.
Something about screaming and poop makes time slow down.
Poop: 0 Mommy: 1
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